A western perspective on a distant city skyline under partly sunny skies an hour after sunset from a highway

I don’t mind being in motion. I don’t mind stopping. But in between, all the little making of decisions, the fine tuning and steering, the built-in transactions it takes to toggle between states of being, that’s what distracts and drains and does me right in.

A chalkboard listing meats on offer at a farmers market stand perches next to a sidewalk.

Errand after errand, marveling at random religious proselytizers, spices and beverages that changed history, timing on traffic lights thrown off by median mendicants, immobile and immobilized shanties along roadways, towels for pets, toys for other pets, a little drycleaning and a lot of time to contemplate and condense rocketry and relationships into song.

The exterior of and the sidewalk outside a fortune teller shop.

Some reading, some music, an exterior jaunt weighed and deliberated over before being rejected, with a split between recent comedians and old talk show segments, made up most of the day. The cat and I left each other alone, me to my language drill and her to her bird watching, and the world outside and the weather overhead to a day’s distant indifference.

Storefronts along a roadway

There’s no magic pathway to dressed in black dancefloor redemption, no distracted wandering off a soundstage into an office casual ouroborotic rehearsal in the round. Not only can’t one step in the same river twice, one ain’t supposed to. Some things aren’t just impossible: they’re also wrong.

Yesterday evening’s gibbous moon over a not-yet-on street lamp

I’m pretty sure there’s something I’ve been Getting Wrong, the kind of thing I have to pretty much fix first by reaching the point where I’m more Tired Of It. I may not know exactly what to do, but I’m feeling fairly certain about what to Stop Doing.

Banners hang from unlit street light poles, silhouetted against pale gray cloudy late afternoon sky

Tuesday? Tacos. Sitting with a friend, doing the remembering-when, talking about important stuff and then deciding on dessert, trying to count how many movies got seen last year, and how other poorly scripted portrayals are currently doing.

A venerable MacBook Air laptop

Just about a decade following me around, backpack to bag, apartment to room, desk after shelf after floor, dodging drinks and connecting me with the worlds beyond, precarious yet sturdy, and soon scattered to the elements and perhaps back into someone else’s arms anew.

A rainbow seen Saturday morning along westbound San Pablo Dam Road

Even behind the wheel in the rain earlier this weekend, I could see it shimmering ahead of me and hanging out over the reservoir like it belonged there, with the same ease and comfort I’ve seen the marine layer show when it clung to the top of the hills. It wasn’t a promise of freedom from pain or an assurance of safety or certainty. But it was beautiful and it was up ahead of me, and even if I could never reach it, it was more than enough reward for a moment’s attention.

A mirrorball, a mirrored crescent moon and a mirrored skull mask rest against green, brown and white confetti style leaves in a store display.

The walk happened because I showed up early and thought I could get some steps in. It wouldn’t have been the same if I’d decided instead to get off the bus early. I saw some delightful music books and good-trashy sci-fi paperbacks for the second day in a row, this time at a record shop with window posters and jazz music on a turntable.

Dried flowers and plants alongside a creek greenway

After a walk along the creek, we stopped in at the library and browsed a little bit over the five-for-a-dollar paperback novels, the free COVID tests with the chart posted to show that their expiration dates had been extended, the voter registration forms, the fliers for adult education classes at the community college and the puzzle and craft gatherings coming up at local library branches. Later, we did the takeaway thing at the spot. Fridays, what a concept.