[…] The one-night-stand (ONS) is a bit like fast food: tempting, but with nauseating afterthoughts.
Make health and safety a priority. Always try to invite him back to
yours, but if you insist on playing away, text a friend to inform them
of your whereabouts.
Avoid dark-alley gropery, and unladylike fumbling in the back of a
cab. Once home, leave him to select a CD from your collection while you
embark on a turbo-tidy.
In the bedroom, forget about your normal night-time routine and
leave pyjamas in their drawer. Discuss the necessaries to avoid
planting any love children or disease, and you're away.
If you're at his, the ONS isn't over until the following morning's "walk of shame" home in last night's outfit.
Steel yourself and hold your head up high.
At yours, offer him breakfast and (assuming you want no more of him) say that your mother is on her way round. […]