about:robots

About_robots
George Kelly

(We have come to visit you in peace and with goodwill!)

About:robots, about about:robots
About:robots, about about:robots
About:robots, about about:robots
About:robots, about about:robots
About:robots, about about:robots
About:robots, about about:robots
About:robots, about about:robots
About:robots, about about:robots

I downloaded Firefox 3
because all of the people I obsessively read
were doing it too, not doing-it doing it
’cause that would mean taking their hands off their mice

I downloaded Firefox 3
because I heard they want a world record
for most-downloaded browser
as if a browser
is the right tool for keeping up with fights between Scoble and Eric Rice

And then I learned about:robots, about about:robots
About:robots (the one with the colon in between)
About:robots, about about:robots
About:robots
About:robots, about about:robots
About:robots (the one with the colon in between)
About:robots, about about:robots
About:robots

I downloaded Firefox 3
because I wanted to see how well it performed on my PC
Then I saw it really was a mess,
kinda slow, really not a success (all right, I’m kidding)

I downloaded Firefox 3
because I didn’t want to be left behind with an unpopular browser
The kind you use to access the Net
in my cubicle when I’m learning

Try Again
Please do not press this button again

About:robots, about about:robots
About:robots, about about:robots
About:robots, about about:robots
About:robots
The one with the colon in between
The one with the colon in between
Put it in your browser, see what I mean
About:robots, about about:robots
About:robots
About:robots, about about:robots
About:robots
About:robots, about about:robots
About:robots
The one with the colon in between
About:robots, about about:robots
About:robots

Robots may not injure a human being
or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.

Robots have seen things you people wouldn’t believe.
Robots are Your Plastic Pal Who’s Fun To Be With.
Robots have shiny metal posteriors which should not be bitten.

Step one: open up a Firefox 3 browser
Step two: Type the word “about” and then a colon
Step three: Type the word “robots”
Step four: Hit return, and learn!

Shout out to all Bay Area nerdcore crew
Doctor Popular
MC Slutsky
I see you
I’m’a see you
And we have a plan.
Seen!

How To Talk To Girls At Parties (demo)

Am9 Fmaj7 Dm9
Don't start a rumor
Don't listen to talk around town
Show good humor
And act up when life looks down

Dm9 Em9 arpeg
Me, I never built my world around them
Not that my reserve remained unspent
Gave me something beautiful to long for
Gave me something to learn to repent
I never built my world around them
Not that my caution spared me pain
Gave me a cushion for my landing
Gave me some kind of understanding

Amaj9 Amaj9/F# Fmaj7 E/D
We're just boys
We're not from another planet, are we?
So let's go be hearty
I'll teach you how to talk to girls at parties

Dm9 Em9 arpeg
You, you never made it look that easy
To open up the lines of communication
Sending out a hailing frequency signal
Flawlessly field a shore-leave situation
You never made it look that easy
To get that it was way beyond me, chum
Getting me sum was more than addition
Getting down the ins and out of tradition

Amaj9 Amaj9/F# Fmaj7 E/D
We're just boys
We're not from another planet, are we?
So let's go be hearty
I'll teach you how to talk to girls at parties

Am9 Fmaj7 Dm9
Don't start a rumor
Don't listen to talk around town
Show good humor
And act up when life looks down

How to Talk to Girls at Parties (1/4)
How to Talk to Girls at Parties (2/4)
How to Talk to Girls at Parties (3/4)
How to Talk to Girls at Parties (4/4)

(inspired by the Hugo-nominated, Locus Award-winning Neil Gaiman story (BoingBoing free audio, Metafilter thread ))

I Overshot You (demo)

I Overshot You
George Kelly
I believe in energy and mass and light and gravity
I believe in engines you can calibrate with instruments
I believe that we should have found a way to unite
A way to harness large forces to our tiny desires

I overshot you
I overshot you
I'm out of your orbit
I'm not better for it
I overshot you

I believe in politics (just enough so I don't get sick)
I believe in the better world despite what I been told
I believe everything possible will come to be in time
A day will return when I am yours and you are mine

I overshot you
I overshot you
I'm out of your orbit
I'm not better for it
I overshot you

This home I inhabit is just an unlikely hovel
Instead of my long-hoped-for science fiction novel

I believe in afterlife (others' memories no pearly gates)
I believe nighttime prayer cuts my long-distance rates
I believe that we should have found a way to unite
A day will return when I am yours and you are mine

I overshot you
I overshot you
I'm out of your orbit
I'm not better for it
I overshot you

Magnetic and True

Magnetic and True
George Kelly

Do I believe in elements, what their presence drives, or put my trust in everything on which artifice thrives or maybe split the difference, see both where my eyes fall upon the world I find you in, where you can hear my call? There's two kinds of north that I know exist, but I never knew for certain until we kissed. Sure as my feet travel straight and not slew, one north's magnetic and the other is true. One north's magnetic and the other is true.

Science says the magnetic kind, it is found and freed by lines of force from the iron ore that spins beneath our feet.
Geography requires the true kind to hinge on accord of straight-line mappers, boundary keepers, travelers and that sort. There's two kinds of north that I know exist, but I never knew for
certain until we kissed. Sure as my feet travel straight and not slew,
one north's magnetic and the other is true. One north's magnetic and
the other is true.

(You know I don't usually rhyme, but one thing inspires to do it this time: the feelings I'm feelin' when we're together, winter through the autumn, whatever the weather. I know that you feel the same about me and you know that my plan's to be about we and I keep it on lock so that we can be free and you hold it down till it's me that you see. I'm the needle on the compass and I used to spin. You used to listen to me talk, I made you laugh and grin, but now I'm navigating straight to you through thick and thin just like a star and I'm'a ride until I see you again. You got me catching the vapors and seeing inner visions, firming up my plans, positioning for decisions, blocking out days on my calendar. That's my mission till it's time to set it off like we was nuclear fission.)

(written while watching Mia and Jonah on Dec. 16th at Prism Cafe;
demoed at home on New Year's Eve with help from Gori Do, GarageBand, an M-Audio
Keystation 61es and a Logitech USB headset)

Effort and Success (Iron and Steel and Tin)

Effort, call effort the discriminator. Call success, success the delineator. How much work before you're tirin', how much tin and steel and iron? You wanted it easy so you decided on iron first, and you bellied right up to the bar to slake your thirst. You didn't like the way I looked at you and then my drink, so you shot me dead and you wound up in the clink. Effort, call effort the discriminator. Call success, success the delineator. How much work for to seal the deal, how much iron and tin and steel? You found it a little hard when steel came next, a new kind of bar behind your original pretext. You didn't like the nuisance of penitentiary life, so no one cried when your ribs caught a knife. Effort, call effort the discriminator. Call success, success the delineator. How much work do you want to put in, how much iron and steel and tin? You looked around when you felt the thin tin blade, and your eyelids shuttered like a curtain shade. You didn't like the prospect of seeing your own blood, so you pitched over neatly into penitentiary mud (and I watched you pitch over into penitentiary mud). Effort, call effort the discriminator. Call success, success the delineator. How much iron, steel, tin and such, oh how much, how much, how much?

(written while watching Mia and Jonah on Dec. 16th at Prism Cafe; demoed on New Year's Eve with help from Gori Do, GarageBand, an M-Audio Keystation 61es, a Logitech USB headset and a fortuitous passing police-car siren)

“What we’re trying to do is to tell them how to do it in the nicest possible manner.”

[…] The one-night-stand (ONS) is a bit like fast food: tempting, but with nauseating afterthoughts.

Make health and safety a priority. Always try to invite him back to
yours, but if you insist on playing away, text a friend to inform them
of your whereabouts.

Avoid dark-alley gropery, and unladylike fumbling in the back of a
cab. Once home, leave him to select a CD from your collection while you
embark on a turbo-tidy.

In the bedroom, forget about your normal night-time routine and
leave pyjamas in their drawer. Discuss the necessaries to avoid
planting any love children or disease, and you're away.

If you're at his, the ONS isn't over until the following morning's "walk of shame" home in last night's outfit.

Steel yourself and hold your head up high.

At yours, offer him breakfast and (assuming you want no more of him) say that your mother is on her way round. […]

That's from Guy Adams' Independent UK article "Girls' guide to a one-night stand" on an updated Debrett's etiquette guide.