Be selfish: … and forgive somebody right now.

Anger is not just about destructiveness. Through anger we voice our protests. And without protests, there is just silence and grudge. The trick is to have your passions — which are often quite murderous — and yet hold onto this other idea, that this person to whom I’m attributing the worst deeds and motives is someone I care about.

“So while I’m telling him how much I wanted to strangle him, I’m also going to try to remember that there’s probably more to the story than meets my rageful eye. Maybe I played a part in this, maybe I’m reading it wrong. That’s what it means to be able to tolerate ambiguity and ambivalence, which is one of the hallmarks of maturity and of the capacity for forgiveness.”

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